Marie met first-time teenage mum Rachel when she was around 17 weeks into her pregnancy and was living at home with her parents.
Rachel had limited social networks outside of her family and was experiencing difficulties in her relationship with both her mum and dad. She was not in a relationship with the baby’s father and felt she needed someone to talk to.
During their journey together, Rachel grew in confidence and resolved the conflict with her parents. Marie has no doubt she’ll be a great mum...
When I met Rachel on my first visit her parents were both present. I noticed there was conflict between them; they told me they did not think she should be having a baby and they felt that she was wrong to decide to keep the baby as she was not in a stable relationship and the baby’s dad comes and goes when he pleases. They also said their daughter does not talk to them and just shuts herself away. It seemed like me being there, having someone going in from ‘outside’ the situation, made her parents feel that they could really open up and express how they were feeling. However, I could see that Rachel was getting upset by some of the things her parents were saying.
I tried to keep things calm and be reassuring. I tried to make sure that I included them all in the visit and I tried to help the parents to understand how their daughter was feeling. For example, I encouraged Rachel to share how she was feeling, she talked about the bond she felt she had developed with the baby growing in her tummy and that she was now happy she had made the decision to keep the baby. She seemed worried about showing her parents how happy she was about the pregnancy as she felt they didn’t like the idea of her being pregnant.
However, during my visits, Rachel seemed to feel completely comfortable to talk positively about the baby, share with me how excited and happy she was about being pregnant and looking forward to the baby arriving.
I feel that through listening to Rachel and encouraging her to communicate, it enabled her to understand things from her parent’s point of view, their dreams for her as their daughter, how they were feeling at that point. The parents were present during several of the visits and I was also able to support them to listen to her, to see things from her point of view and how important their support was to her.
As time went on, Rachel seemed more able to show her parents how she truly felt about the pregnancy, she showed them how happy she was and they got involved and showed signs they had bonded with the baby. For instance, her father would touch her baby to feel the baby move during my visits and talk about how the ‘bump’ had grown. Her parents also started to buy things for the baby and talked in an excited way to me about the baby arriving."
On my visits I tried to take Rachel out or meet her alone at home so that she could really talk about how she was feeling. I listened and suggested she talk to her parents and share these things with them. She did start to do this with her parents, and she said that things started to improve.
On one occasion, Rachel asked me if I would like to go to lunch with her and her parents which I did. To me it seemed like things were very different in how they acted with each other compared to my very first visit. They were really engaging well, there was a calmer and more comfortable atmosphere and her parents were very positive towards Rachel and the baby. I could see that they were all getting excited. Her dad also said that they feel she now talks to them and engages with them and the rest of the family downstairs rather that shutting herself away in her bedroom.
I tried to build Rachel’s confidence by supporting her to get out and about and to find out about groups and activities where she could talk to people and meet other mums. I attended an antenatal group with her for 4 weeks and I noticed by the end of the sessions she was chatting to other mums and was engaging really well.
I also attended appointments with her and encouraged her to talk to the professionals and ask questions. We used to talk through each appointment before we went in to help her plan for it and talk about her worries and fears and what she wanted to ask or know. I always praised her about how well she was doing and how she was going to be a fantastic mum; during my support I could see her growing in confidence.
During my first visit, Rachel had said to her parents that she felt she couldn’t have a relationship with the baby’s dad as they wouldn’t let him in the house. During the course of my support Rachel began to share how she felt about her relationship with the baby’s dad with her parents and they agreed small steps forward to enable him to be part of the baby’s life.
Rachel wanted lots of support around preparing for birth, what to expect and coping with pain in labour. She asked me to be present at the birth alongside her mum and her mum was happy for me to attend. She had a very quick birth and coped really well with labour. She also had lovely skin to skin with baby and breastfed the baby and she was full of smiles. For me this was so rewarding, and I gave her mum a big hug as she was so overwhelmed and tearful.
(Please note: names have been changed to protect identities)