Hayley suffered severe post-natal depression after a difficult birth with her first child, an experience which was difficult to forget. She shares the difference peer support made when she fell pregnant again...
“The best thing ever” is how Hayley describes her peer supporter, Annette. “She exceeded any expectations or hopes we had” adds Gary, her partner as he cuddles four week old Kayla on his shoulder. Ellie (age 4) looks up and smiles from her Peppa Pig book.
When Ellie was born four years ago, her Mum Hayley had suffered severe post-natal depression following a difficult birth, an experience which was difficult to forget. There were times when Hayley had been in such a low state she had considered suicide.
“I’m not good with things being taken out of my control” she says. “When I got pregnant the second time with Kayla, I found the choices were being taken from me again.” Appointments were set on her behalf by midwives, doctors, consultants, nurses and other health practitioners. “The problem was I didn’t always know what the appointments were for. It was confusing. I started to have that horrible feeling coming back, the one I had with the post-natal depression. I felt that no-one was telling me anything.”
When a staff member at Barnardo’s Children Centre suggested she got in touch with Parents 1st, neither Hayley nor Gary had heard of the organisation. But soon she was matched up with Annette, a volunteer ‘birth buddy’, who would be there with her every step of the way through pregnancy until Kayla was born and beyond that.
“I could tell anything to Annette” says Hayley. “Sometimes I would just chat. But after a while I realised that chat was actually about the things I needed most. I felt overloaded by all the information coming at me. So it helped to have someone there to talk things through with.”
When Hayley had medical appointments, it was difficult arranging for anyone to be with her as Gary, who has a disability, would need to look after Ellie at home. So Annette would go with her, acting as another pair of ears, listening to what was being said by the doctor or health worker. After the appointment, Hayley would be able to chat it through with Annette. “It just helped, simple as that” says Hayley.
It was Hayley’s worst nightmare when Kayla’s birth didn’t go as expected. Labour came late and when it did, complications meant Hayley needed extensive pain relief and in the end a Caesarean section. But Annette was by her side every step of the way; supporting her and helping her understand what was happening to her and the baby, through theatre, and recovery.
“She didn’t leave my side” Hayley remembers. “Finally, when Kayla was put into my arms, I just laughed and cried at the same time with relief. It was going to be ok.”
Hayley has had none of the severe post-natal depression she experienced after her first child, Ellie.
“Although there were problems it was just a better experience because of Annette” she says. “Knowing what was going on helped me to cope”. Hayley says she doesn’t know what would have happened without a peer supporter like Annette by her side through pregnancy, birth and beyond that. She describes her as a friend “Someone who I can be myself with, who won’t judge me, who lets me make my own decisions and who helps me understand anything I’m struggling with. She’s been just wonderful.”
Asked what advice she would give to any other mothers or fathers considering a peer supporter through Parents 1st, Hayley says ‘just do it’.
“I remember there was a woman I got talking to in the waiting room at the health centre. She was struggling a bit with being pregnant for the first time. I advised her to go to Parents 1st. I think about her sometimes. I really hope she went to them.”
(Please note: names have been changed to protect identities)