Support for dads during pregnancy, birth and after baby is born is often overlooked.
As part of the work the Essex Peer to Parent Network is undertaking in Essex, Parents 1st has been researching what peer support is currently available for dads, and how this could be strengthened.
To this end, we ran an online survey to capture dads’ opinions. 402 dads living in Essex responded to the survey.
When asked if peer support would be of benefit to Dads living in Essex, the overwhelming response was ‘Yes’ (87%).
There is a lot of support groups for women, but nothing for expected dads. We are just expected to know what we are doing.
Asked to expand on how they felt peer support could benefit, some main themes emerged:
- To share experiences / companionship
- Improve knowledge (ideas, tips, how to be a “good father”)
- To overcome emotional challenges – anxiety, low confidence
- Reduce pressures / avoid “burdening the mother”
- Guidance about practical baby-care / baby’s development needs
- To feel less alone / supported / valued
- To discuss problems and concerns (easier to talk to other men)
- To prepare for pregnancy, childbirth and fatherhood
- To help navigate health care systems
- To help prevent suicide
There is no support structure by the NHS to help fathers. Within hours of birth, I was told I'm no longer allowed to stay because I'm not a birthing partner now I'm just a visitor.
After a traumatic birth my partners need for support has been addressed, but the trauma from watching it and being on the side line unable to help isn't considered.
Men’s mental health during this transitional time can be vulnerable. Becoming a father is a major life change that can be a particularly challenging time and it vital to consider that fathers can develop perinatal mental health issues (either as a result of their partner's illness or independently).
What should peer support for dads look like?
One of our main aims with this survey was to capture opinions on whether support for dads should be different to support for mums.
The majority of responses underlined that their emotional needs are different; they have a different mindset and perception about things. Many of the responses also highlighted that many dads feel an inordinate amount of pressure and responsibility.
Along with this, dads also experienced some more common issues too:
- Overwhelmed / mental exhaustion
- Tiredness / lack of sleep
- Fear of not being a good parent
- Lonely
- Depressed
- Mood swings
- Needing to be patient
- Needing opportunities to talk through feelings
Survey results really reflected how dads feel a huge sense of responsibility towards taking care of mum and baby, yet they felt unprepared and underequipped to do so. They felt adequate preparation time and the knowledge to build confidence were widely missing.
Dads felt peer support could help in the following ways::
- Providing information specifically for Dads (e.g., maternity care and safety issues / how to help keep mum well during pregnancy / how to take care of mother and baby after the birth (particularly after a caesarian) / coping with financial pressures / relationship issues / and managing own feelings and behaviour)
- Easy access to “safe spaces for Dads” e.g., “Time to chat” Dads groups in the local area to meet other Dads and share experiences as one Dad to another
- More consideration of their needs, through showing understanding and caring – “Fathers need love” – to reduce anxiety and stress – “Knowing there is someone who may be feeling the way you are”
- How to give attentive care to babies and children – the importance of Dad’s role in bonding with their babies and supporting their development
- Signposting to other services
Dad has to support both mum and baby emotionally and physically. This can be difficult to do when you yourself are running on empty, probably back at work, and so having someone to help keep focused is really important.
Other key elements that need to be taken into consideration when designing peer support for dads include the timing of groups/activities, if the support should be provided by a male or female peer supporter (from our survey, 46% would prefer male, 25% female, and the remaining either weren’t sure or didn’t mind), and the barriers that might prevent fathers from accessing peer support:
This survey has been a great starting point in understanding more about what dads need, what is currently missing support-wise and how to design peer support that works for them. Following on from this research, we went on to run a 3-hour workshop with speakers from Dads’ Café, DadPad, Dads Rock and Dad Matters.