“Is it a baby day today?” asks her husband on a regular basis. Annette, a retired education worker, has been volunteering as a ‘birth buddy’ with Parents 1st Essex for over four years. She fits it around her other family commitments for a few hours a week. It’s a role she sees making a big difference to people’s lives.
"I first got interested after I had supported my daughter through a difficult birth” Annette says. “My daughter told me she couldn’t have done it without me, and it made me wonder whether I could be of any value to other women in that way.”
Not long after she had seen an advert in the local paper for volunteers for Parents 1st Essex It seemed perfect. Parents 1st volunteer training takes four months and in that time, Annette says she learnt a whole range of new skills.
“Empowering is a word we use a lot, but I learnt what it really means in my training. It’s about never giving the answer to someone, not trying to ‘fix’ anyone. If you respect the family you are working with, then allowing them the time to work out the answer for themselves is the most important thing you can do."
Annette readily admits she doesn’t always know the answers. “It’s really about time” she says. “With any of us, quite often we can’t put our finger on what’s bothering us. But if you have time and trust, then issues can emerge. Once a mother can address what the issue is, then we can help put the support in place to give her a hand where it’s most needed. It’s about priorities for that person at that time.”
Annette recalls some of the families she has worked with. She once had a phone call saying “I think I’m in labour” at 1am and stayed with the mother through until midday the next day. This was exceptional, but Annette is glad she could be there “it was a really emotional time for the woman. Her partner was no longer around and her Mum couldn’t be there. She was by herself so I stayed.”
Every mother is different with different needs. Annette says that some women have experienced post-natal depression; others may just need support if they are without partners or have other children to look after. “Some women have suffered abuse in the past, or just not experienced good parenting themselves. Often they will need to deal with some of that so they’re ready to offer their own children the best start.”
Volunteering with Parents 1st Essex has helped her grow as a person as well
“We learn about not judging, that’s a critical part of what we bring” she says. “It sounds basic, but actually it’s about looking at things from a different perspective. When you’re out of your comfort zone, it becomes really important. There have been times when I’ve thought “I can’t do this” but I’ve worked through it and got there. So I learnt quite a lot about myself at the same time.”
Annette feels that the biggest value Parents 1st Essex brings is time. “We’re not there to do the job of midwives, nurses, or any other professionals” she says. “But what we can do is offer women our time when it is most needed, allowing the professionals to do their jobs, knowing their patient has got the emotional support they need. It’s an added value.”
Often I find midwives would just appreciate me staying in the room with a mum during Labour or just after the birth. They know someone else is there to offer comfort during what is a challenging time for most mothers.
The hardest part of being a birth buddy for Annette is letting go. “It’s really difficult to step back from a family” she says. But this is a critical part of the role. “If you’ve done a good job, then the family is ready for it – and happy to carry on by themselves knowing they can cope. So it’s a lovely feeling to know you’ve helped make that happen.”
(Please note: names have been changed to protect identities)