Infant feeding - What was your experience?

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Parents1st UK
on 29th July 2021

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Understanding the benefits of perinatal peer support

How to feed your baby is without doubt one of the most important issues you face as a parent. It can be a highly emotive issue that can often trigger feelings of guilt or regret.

Peer supporters offer a safe space for mothers to discuss their choices when it comes to infant feeding and support parents in whatever decision they make: breast, bottle or combination. We explore the relationship between infant feeding, maternal mental health and peer support in our latest blog

What was your experience of feeding your child?

Did you feel supported in establishing breastfeeding or in choosing to bottle or combination feed?

What could have been done differently to make you feel confident in your choices and supported emotionally?

We invite you all to join the conversation and share your thoughts with us.

Comment added by Celia Suppiah | 2 yrs ago

This is what one mum in Essex said when interviewed by Go East as part of a consultation about local mental health services:
"It is so important to handle breast feeding discussions sensitively. I felt that if I didn’t manage to breastfeed I’d end up with a sick and stupid baby. I already felt worthless so it didn’t matter for me but I was so worried about letting my daughter down. I was so vulnerable to negative thinking."

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Comment added by Mandy Bradshaw | 2 yrs ago

When my baby daughter was born, I really wanted to breastfeed and although it was talked about at the ante-natal classes that I attended, nobody mentioned that it may not be as easy, or happen as naturally, as I had always thought it would. I was really struggling to get her to latch on and I was not given any support or information at the hospital. I was in hospital for several days after the birth and I tried to breastfeed for a couple of them, but she was not settling, and it was obvious that she was still hungry. Cow and Gate babies’ milk and rubber teats were readily available on the maternity ward in those days, you could just help yourself to them and feed your baby with them. So, after asking one of the nurses for assistance, as I was struggling with breastfeeding, and the only advice that she could give me was to "try using one of the rubber teats" and feed my baby through that, rather than directly from the breast, which I did try but that also failed, so in the end I resigned myself to the fact that I could not breast feed and felt relieved that I had made a decision, and at least I could see how much milk my baby was taking and that she was settling down a bit more and seemed more content. I think if I had been given information and suggestions of what I could do to help the situation I would have persevered a lot longer. My daughter is 34 years old now, but I still remember how I felt at the time and the feeling of letting her down. My son was born 4 years later and I did not even attempt to breastfeed him due to the previous experiences I had with my daughter. I do think that there is more awareness of the importance of breastfeeding now and there is a lot more support for mums if they need it, although maternity staff are often over-stretched and do not have the time to share these. That's where peer support can make all the difference to mums and their babies, someone in their corner when they need them.

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Comment added by Nicole Ranaweera | 2 yrs ago

I was 18 when my eldest daughter was born. It was an easy birth, and apart from being slightly jaundiced, she was a very healthy baby. Feeding wasn't really discussed in pregnancy. I think I had a cursory question from my midwife along the lines of 'are you going to breastfeed?' but that was it. After she was born, the midwives at the hospital encouraged me to feed her but I couldn't get her to latch on. They simply told me to keep trying but didn't offer any practical support. I was very keen to just get home and because everything was fine they discharged me and I went home in the afternoon. My daughter at that stage had not had a successful feed. I kept trying when I got home but didn't really get anywhere. By the evening, my daughter's father told me he was going to buy some formula milk. He was simply concerned she hadn't been fed, but it made me feel like I'd failed. The next day when the midwife came round, she asked me to keep trying 'for her'. Both my mum and my baby's dad's mum also tried to help but I think by that point I was already feeling defeated by it. My baby was already on a bottle and it seemed easier to just stick with that.

With my second child, I wanted to try breastfeeding again but I suffered really badly with migraines through pregnancy and spent many months in bed because of them. Again, feeding wasn't really discussed in pregnancy and the support after birth wasn't much better. If I remember correctly I think additional breastfeeding support was mentioned by the hospital midwives but nothing actually came of it. Unfortunately the migraines continued so I chose to bottle feed again as that meant I could take medication. The choice was almost made for me and in some ways that was easier to deal with than the first time around. Because I had a reason I wasn't breastfeeding, I didn't feel the same stigma.

The feelings of guilt and regret have definitely stayed with me and I think I was maybe already resigned to having to bottle feed my 2nd daughter as I felt breastfeeding just wasn't something I could do because of the lack of support I experienced.

I believe that feeding should be discussed more in pregnancy to prepare you better. And, just because you're a second time mum the assumption should not be made that you know what you're doing! I think if someone had taken the time to talk through options and I knew what additional support I could have, and how to get it after birth, it might have made all the difference.

Celia Suppiah | 2 yrs ago |

What you are describing will resonate with a lot of mums Nicole. I do remember so vividly those early days of establishing breastfeeding as a new mum. All my experience as a midwife went out of the window! I felt so responsible for this new baby who was entirely dependent on me to get it right for her. A few gentle and sensitive words of encouragement and some handy hints made such a difference.

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